It's been a long time since I've posted anything on here. School often gets in the way of me having time to sit. I can't say I hate school. I really do love it at NGU. It's an amazing place to be filled with amazing people. I will say I do get tired of the "drama" as it were. I mean drama can come in many different forms. It doesn't have to just be the drama we think of with petty high school girls. It can be with financial aid, teachers you can't seem to get along with, etc. I guess I could say I experienced all types this past semester though. But now it's Summer. Time to kick back and take time to rejuvenate the system. 

Truth be told this past semester was the hardest one of my life. I was faced with challenges that I never expected to see and surprises that were just that. There were several times in which I almost gave up; just sat down and cried and said "enough, I can't take any more." There were times I could not see the end. I couldn't tell which end was up. I felt like I was suffocating almost in all the classes, all the requirements, all the responsibilities I had committed myself to.

The previous semester had its own challenges with the break up and all, but this past semester was bigger than that. I consider that a God thing. I feel God spent the summer pulling me out of myself. Put my focus back where it needed to be...on HIM. I see this semester as being, not the final yank, but one of the bigger ones. I spent the semester mending relationships that I had let fall by the way side. I spent this semester being the friend I forgot I was. I spent this semester living. All the while suffocating. It is quite the conundrum, I cannot lie.

When I started this new school year I was unsure of how I would fare in the new major. I had my insecurities about myself...those are things I still face today. I was ready to be something different...I was ready to be myself; someone I hadn't been in almost a year. I was really just ready for something different. It's funny how God knows what you want and what you need and how that can all come together in one big shock. The shock of the semester came in one Henry Camden Lang IV. However that's a story for another time (though it is an amazing story :)).

I found myself staying up to all hours of the night working on projects that I had been working on for days, I found myself waking up early to finish up the projects. One night Bethany (roommate) and I went to Starbucks for a roommate date. We were talking about all the projects I had and she simply looked at me and said "Heather you barely have time to sleep." It was the first time I had actually realized that I only slept about 3-5 hours a night on average. NOT HEALTHY! Through all of that God taught me to be adaptable. To do what I had to do no matter what and see the benefit. To do what I knew I had to do because it was right.

School wasn't the only stress. In mid September Bethany walked in the room and said in a tone that only roommate's can fully understand to mean something bad is coming, "Heather?" I turned and looked at her and said "oh no, what?" From this point on the entire semester changed for me because she explained that she felt God was calling her to be a nurse and because of that she would have to transfer to another school. Next year. That was a hard pill to swallow. Unfortunately, a month later she looked at me and said that she found out that it wasn't next year but next semester. I didn't know how to take that. I was actually devastated. My best friend was leaving. But I realized that God used her in my life to show me new things, to challenge me, and this was just a continuation of that. God was using her to grow me. It hurt, but it was what needed to happen. I cried like a baby a few times as did she. We would have random "heather/bethany" times where we just said "forget the work, this will be what we remember."

It's true. That will be what I remember. I will remember the good times with friends, the new adventures and new places. I will forget the tests I didn't do so well on. I will forget the days in and days out of stress (maybe lol). I will remember though, the people who saw me through, the girls that I spent day and night with in Middle Howard, The guy who changed everything in September of 2008. I will remember those things. So all the stress, all the long nights and even longer days will be worth it. The memories I have made so far are what make it easy to say that.


A new semester starts in a few days and I am refreshed and ready to see what it has in store.

Well here I am back at NGU. I have been for two weeks today. It's been crazy. Beyond crazy. I got here on the 9th for RA training. I walked into the first meeting not knowing what to expect. I was slightly nervous and apprehensive because of the stigma that goes on with the title of RA. We've had some bad things happen in our Student Services department and the attitudes of people haven't been the best. So I was bracing myself for the backlash from other students. However, once I went to the first meeting I realized, something was completely different. The mentalitly of the group had changed. SERVANT LEADERSHIP is our motto. We have taken that on full heartedly.

I wasn't fully comprehending the idea of Servant Leadership until Tuesday, the 12th. To do team building we were sent on a White Water Rafting trip. We were put into teams with people we may or may not have known. I had my fellow hall RA in my boat with people I really didn't know that well surrounding us. We got in the water and started paddling down the river...within 5 minutes our boat capsized and along with myself, our guide, and two other guys went into the water being ravaged by the current. It was freezing. The water in the Nantahala doesn't get above 45 degrees...that day it was 42. I was sucked out of the boat and the next thing I know I am a good couple of hundred feet down the river trying to fight for my life. I was trying to find somewhere to stop myself so that the boats of other teams from our group could get to me. Finally I found a rock that I could sit on. Once there I looke up and saw my boat with a few members still in and working on getting one of our guys in. He got in and yelled that I needed to swim to them. So I sat for a minute trying to regain whatever strength I could and finally made the push off to get to them. Just as I was right about to reach for the boat the boat got swept in the current and they were off. Thank God, I had made it to a bank where there wasn't much current at all. I finally stood up because the water wasn't really moving and just stood. I was so shocked...I was so cold. I stood there in disbelief of what just happened. The rapid wasnt' that big but we hit it completely wrong. I will never forget the look on my friend Brittany's face as she watched me float down the river. When i would come up I would look for the boat and she was in the boat just watching and trying to find out how to get me. I stood on the bank as a few boats passed me and other boats tried to help Shawn and Tank. My friend Phillip finally saw me and had a boat come get me...to him I am eternally grateful. I got in and started singing "Survivor" by Destiny's Child. We floated down the river and there was my original boat with most of the members waiting on the bank for me. I was so thankful for them. It was great to have them pull of and wait. For the rest of the ride we were working as a team and fighting for each other. It was amazing.

When I got back I could barely walk because my knees were completely banged up. One had a bruise in the shape of Africa...and i promise you I'm not lying. Both of them were swollen for days and hurt like crazy. However that experience is one I will never forget and will never hate. We bonded so much on that trip and really saw Servant Leadership put to the test. One girl in our group had to be air vacked out and it was pretty scary but it was an amazing experience to go through together.

Since then the freshmen have moved in and classes have started. I got a brand new camera and man it's amazing.

Classes are going well. Mostly art and that is awesome.

I'm on Duty this weekend so i'm at NGU most the time but it's still amazing to get to interact with the students and further the ministry.

In high school I was always known as the girl who didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex. My Christian beliefs have something to do with that, however, what most didn't know was how my decisions didn't just come from my religious beliefs. I remember one day I was sitting in my AP English class and a the guy who sat in front of me, and the girls who were around me were talking about a party where they got so "toasted." I was involved in the conversation, more as an ear listening than a mouth moving. I found myself being asked "So Heather, what's your take on all this?" I replied with "Well, I don't drink so I really don't have an opinion." This statement was met with big eyes and questioning glances. "Heather you really should drink, it's so much fun. I really think you would like it." With this statement I lifted my head from my school work and kind of smirked and said "yeah, no I don't think so."



That conversation happened more than once my senior year. All year the same guy would talk to me and try to convince me that it was something I should try. Finally one day he actually had the presence of mind to ask me "so why don't you drink?" This excited me for some reason. I looked him dead in the face and said "Well, to be honest, I come from an alcoholic blood line and I have seen it tear up families and seen the idiocy that comes with it. I don't really feel like finding out if I'm an alcoholic because once I do, it's too late. So I just decided that I wouldn't drink anything because to me, it's not worth losing myself just to have some liquid going down my throat."



He looked at me for a few seconds and said, "you know what? I respect that. You shouldn't drink then. I get it."



I finally had won the on going conversation and was slightly pleased with myself, I can't lie. But then as the day went on and I went through my classes of the day I thought, "why did I have to even explain that to him? why didn't he just accept our differences on the matter? Why did I have to get that upfront, and let him see my opinion and life?" I moved on from that and here we are 3 years later and I am facing a bout of alcoholism with a family member near and dear to my heart. That day was thrusted into my memory again as I sat and watched stumbling and anger raging up.



Alcoholism kills people. I don't mean in the literal "you're dead" sense, though it does that too. I mean in the emotional, mental, physical sense. It not only affects the drinker, but also the family and friends around the drinker. I have seen things in the past few years that I really feel I should never have been privy to.

Addicts are selfish people. They see you and think you are just don't understand all they're going through. In most ways, this is an accurate statement. But there are times when I would like to turn around and say, "You know what I don't know what you're going through, but I have to see the havoc you cause and the fear, destruction, and sadness in the people around you. It's not fair to them, so suck it up. Be a man, deal with it." It's in those moments that I must stop myself and pray for a heart of compassion. Pray for the situation and the words to say.

Since I'm not an addict it is hard for me to understand how someone let their life get so dependent on a substance. I will most likely never know what it feels like to be on that end of addiction. I will only know the pain it causes. That pain is something I pray none of you have to experience. It is hard to sit and watch a loved one drink themselves to death. It's sad and you feel helpless.

This blog is mainly to let those out there who struggle with addiction know that they really need to own up to it and get help. It's also to let those who are on the other side know they are not alone and to not give up on your loved ones.