In high school I was always known as the girl who didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex. My Christian beliefs have something to do with that, however, what most didn't know was how my decisions didn't just come from my religious beliefs. I remember one day I was sitting in my AP English class and a the guy who sat in front of me, and the girls who were around me were talking about a party where they got so "toasted." I was involved in the conversation, more as an ear listening than a mouth moving. I found myself being asked "So Heather, what's your take on all this?" I replied with "Well, I don't drink so I really don't have an opinion." This statement was met with big eyes and questioning glances. "Heather you really should drink, it's so much fun. I really think you would like it." With this statement I lifted my head from my school work and kind of smirked and said "yeah, no I don't think so."



That conversation happened more than once my senior year. All year the same guy would talk to me and try to convince me that it was something I should try. Finally one day he actually had the presence of mind to ask me "so why don't you drink?" This excited me for some reason. I looked him dead in the face and said "Well, to be honest, I come from an alcoholic blood line and I have seen it tear up families and seen the idiocy that comes with it. I don't really feel like finding out if I'm an alcoholic because once I do, it's too late. So I just decided that I wouldn't drink anything because to me, it's not worth losing myself just to have some liquid going down my throat."



He looked at me for a few seconds and said, "you know what? I respect that. You shouldn't drink then. I get it."



I finally had won the on going conversation and was slightly pleased with myself, I can't lie. But then as the day went on and I went through my classes of the day I thought, "why did I have to even explain that to him? why didn't he just accept our differences on the matter? Why did I have to get that upfront, and let him see my opinion and life?" I moved on from that and here we are 3 years later and I am facing a bout of alcoholism with a family member near and dear to my heart. That day was thrusted into my memory again as I sat and watched stumbling and anger raging up.



Alcoholism kills people. I don't mean in the literal "you're dead" sense, though it does that too. I mean in the emotional, mental, physical sense. It not only affects the drinker, but also the family and friends around the drinker. I have seen things in the past few years that I really feel I should never have been privy to.

Addicts are selfish people. They see you and think you are just don't understand all they're going through. In most ways, this is an accurate statement. But there are times when I would like to turn around and say, "You know what I don't know what you're going through, but I have to see the havoc you cause and the fear, destruction, and sadness in the people around you. It's not fair to them, so suck it up. Be a man, deal with it." It's in those moments that I must stop myself and pray for a heart of compassion. Pray for the situation and the words to say.

Since I'm not an addict it is hard for me to understand how someone let their life get so dependent on a substance. I will most likely never know what it feels like to be on that end of addiction. I will only know the pain it causes. That pain is something I pray none of you have to experience. It is hard to sit and watch a loved one drink themselves to death. It's sad and you feel helpless.

This blog is mainly to let those out there who struggle with addiction know that they really need to own up to it and get help. It's also to let those who are on the other side know they are not alone and to not give up on your loved ones.