"I Love You"

Those words are some of the most powerful words ever spoken by anyone. However, in our society they are flippantly used and the meaning can be demeaned by its overuse. Lately, my generation will just say it because they think they will get something for it. However, I choose to take a different approach. This works for me, it might not work for everyone but for me it does. So I thought I'd share.

I have said "I love you" to one guy in my entire life that wasn't my father or brother. Do I regret it now that the relationship is over? Absolutely not. I know that I meant those words every time I said them. Something that bothers me with break ups is the question "well do you still love him?" What kind of question is that? In my mind, breaking up does not make that feeling go away. It doesn't cause it to not still radiate through you. It does cause it, however to change. No longer can that love be romantic, it must be a friendly, caring love. To assume that because you no longer are together you must hate that person or not like them I deem absurd. We are called to love by God. Just because a relationship ended badly, or at all doesn't mean that you must hate the other person.


READ THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH...DO NOT SKIM OR ELSE YOU WILL MISS MY POINT
If you were to ask me if I still loved Ben Nahlen, I would say yes....because I do. He was the first guy I ever used those words for and the guy that I spent the past two years with. He was there at the beginning of the transition into college, Christmases, Birthdays, my dad's hospitlization. That doesn't just go away. But to ask if I think that we should be together would be a completely different question. Do I love him? Yes with the love of a friend and the love of someone that I will always have fond, and not so fond memories with. Do I think we should be together? Not how we were in the last part of our relationship. We were not the same people we were when we started dating in 2006. We both changed. Our lives were no longer meshing together the way we thought they would. So no. At least for now. We both have much growing up to do and we couldn't do that together. We may grow and as we grow find ourselves back at each others doors or we may find ourselve even further apart than we are now. Either way, it doesn't affect me being able to say that I do have love for him and I do not think I should be frowned at for admitting that I love him.

People would ask me right after he and I ended our engagement and parted ways if they should hate him? Really? Why would they hate him because of something that happened between the two of us? I think that's odd. Moving on to the point...

When people hear the line "love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:8) they think that means that they must not have loved that person because their relationship failed. This I think is the wrong mentality. Just because your relationship ended does not mean that it failed. It succeeded. It met all that it was supposed to. See, God knew that relationship would not be the last one in your life. God knew that there is someone better for you than that person. Your relationship ended, it did not fail. There is a large difference. I know it seems crazy to be happy that your relationship is over, but if your relationship ends that simply means that that person was not the one with whom you should share your life and that they are in the way of the best person for you. Of course there should be a mourning period. You're not just going to jump up and be ready for a new relationship, mourning is okay. However, it shouldn't cripple you. You should embrace a new plateau in your life, a new experience, a difference that God put in your life for a reason. That doesn't mean it will be easy, it doesn't mean that you won't be a little sad, or even devestated. However, you have to pick up the pieces, put yourself back together and realize that GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. Hard concept I know, yet one of the most comforting thoughts in the world.

I know that when people ask "do you still love him?" they mean a romantic type, but I think that question should never be asked of anyone, no matter what the situation (i.e. romantic relationship, friend relationship, parent etc.). Don't ask if they still love that person and don't lie if you are asked. It's easy to become bitter towards someone you once loved (in the romantic way), but don't. The bitterness only hardens you and prevents you from growing and seeing all that God has laid in front of you. Love them with the heart of a friend and the heart of compassion.

I mean really, we all just want to be loved.